Hello everybody! I am back
from my vacation. To be honest I am back since sunday.. but I couldn't make myself sit down and write a new Journal Entry.
I have said in my last journal entry, that I will be back in around 3 weeks or more. However now I am back again after only one week. There were a few complications which I don't want to talk about in detail right now.
But I do want to give you guys a little update regarding my life and issues around it. So, I warn you up ahead *might be boring*
Anyways, I feel like writing this down here might help me.
First off, there was an issue going on within my family (to keep it shortly there was an argument and in the end I was charged guilty (is that a correct expression?! no idea now, for some reason I have troubles today with finding the right words..never mind) and the idiot in the end. I was blamed for everything although I actually was innocent.. Ever since that happening nobody talks to me at home, everybody hates me. Basically I am sitting in my room all day long and cry. Of course nobody cares for that.. Since monday I am even sick (I have a cold and temperature) of course nobody cares for that either. Today I am feeling a bit better, I don't have temperature anymore, so I tried to be kind to my family and try my best to fix this. Unfortunately my mom still ignores me, but today I went for a long walk with my dad. I tried to make him feel as comfortable as possible, so I asked him lots of questions about his well-being and so on. That approach has paid off well. He is acting sort of normal again with me. I will keep that up for sure. I also tried to approach my sister today. I went a bit shopping with her and took her to her favorite shop. So she is also cool again for now, I will try not to mention the happening and keep up being nice to her and stuff. I hope in time my mom also cares for me again... But nothing I tried really worked out. This whole situation is nothing new, I am always trying to work in the background and fix problems and issues. Nobody ever appreciates or notices what I do... but okay.. as I said I am used to it. It just hurts that I honestly didn't do anything to deserve this all, but still I have to be the one fixing it again... Its always up to me to keep everybody in a good mood.. but nobody cares for how I feel. I am always the idiot. And currently I am really depressed because of this. I cry myself to sleep every night, I feel like I cannot talk to anybody about this, gosh I feel so lonely. I feel so left alone in this all. I am totally mood less, demotivated. I don't even feel like drawing.. bah.. I so would want to just run away... I so long for a loving, caring family..
Ok that was enough boring stuff from me for now.. -.- But writing this down feels really relieving. :/ so, sorry guys..
I hope soon again I find the motivation to draw ._. Love and rockets, NYNA